I can't hardly handle these emotions.

They're irrational troubles - things that shouldn't bother me. But thinking about them... ugh. I just wanna burst into tears.

God God God give me a way out!

Stupid Inhaler!!!!

So I've been having asthma attacks nearly every evening for the past week, and I recently got a new inhaler, and have been taking it three times a day (well, twice each time. Not supposed to take it anymore than that.)
And over the past three days I've noticed that I'm constantly depressed and on the edge of tears.... wondering if Albuterol had any side affects so I looked it up... The most common side affects?...

allergic reactions, aggression, agitation, anxiety, appetite loss, depression, diarrhea, dizziness, drowsiness, dry mouth, headache, light-headedness, muscle cramps, nausea, nervousness, nightmares, restlessness, ringing in the ears, insomnia, urinary problems, vomiting, back pain, fever, and fatigue.

I've been getting several of these, depression the worst. Ugh! Can't wait to be able to stop taking this stupid thing...

Okay, done venting.

True Security

I am definitely putting myself way behind on my day by taking the time to type this, but I need to... I'd much rather type out my feelings, than write them by hand at the moment... sometimes that doesn't work so well, because, let's face it, people only want to know so much about you. O.o Anyway...

I just started (as in like, half an hour ago) reading a book by Beth Moore called "So Long Insecurity". Insecurity is something I struggle with.. I guess everybody does if we're honest, but, yeah... anyway... See, I've been spoiled growing up. I've always known I was loved, considered lovely, people were proud of me... not everyone, but my family and close friends at least - they smothered me with this adoration. And I've allowed myself to totally lean on it.

Obviously it's a huge self-esteem booster for any girl to be told she's beautiful... But Beth Moore raised a critically important question... What IF we're never told that again? What security is left for us?

So what has been going through my mind these past few minutes, that I'm going to try and let change my entire perspective on my self-image is this: If no one ever says "I love you", "You are so beautiful" "I'm proud of you" "I miss you"... if I never hear anything like this again, never feel adored, or loved... is God sufficient? Is His love, the fact that I was made in His image, that He adores me and created me to look exactly like the beautiful, one-of-a-kind, daughter-of-The-King that I am... is that enough? Could I go my entire life without a shred of human praise, and be fully secure and confident when I look at myself through God's eyes?
I don't think so.
Not at this point.
But it's not an unrealistic goal.
In fact, it's the only thing that will satisfy my natural human desire to be accepted.
So that's what I'm going to start working toward.
Finding my dignity at the cross.